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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Just a taste

Here's a little something to give you an idea of my style of writing. Just an idea now, lets not get crazy. By all means, please feel free to comment and critique all you'd like. I'd love to hear from you. And please check back if you leave a comment as I will be commenting back. Thank you so much for your time. ;)



He arrived like clockwork every Sunday for the last 4 months.  It seemed like with each passing week his presence became new again, like the very first day he’d arrived. He carried several files under his arm as he strode through the caged gates in the corridor as if he were perfectly comfortable in his own skin no matter where he was. It was one of the things that got Alexis's blood boiling.

Alexis had been working in the evidence warehouse at the South Central Police Department in Los Angeles for nearly 3 years. This was the first time she could ever remember seeing a Detective as captivating as he was.

The crease at the corners of his mouth seemed strong and gave his smile an inviting presence. His dark hair short and trim left slightly longer and tussled on top allowed a single strand to grace his brow. His brow dark and looming shadowed his eyes of ebony leaving a mere glisten to catch the attention of his subjects.

Alexis bit her lower lip and adjusted herself in her seat becoming slightly uncomfortable with where her thoughts were going. She couldn’t help but wish she were one of his subjects. Every Sunday, he came in, smiled at her, showed his ID and walked on through without a single word.

It quickly became the highlight of Alexis’s evenings. She’d soon recognize the deep penetrating feeling inside her that made her cross her legs and sigh a trembling breath when the clock ticked closer and closer to his arrival.

She sat at her desk behind bullet proof glass and stared at the door. This would be the day. She could feel it deep in her bones. This would be the day that he could no longer resist her fiery red locks, china blue eyes and pouty lips. This would be the day he’d finally notice she’d forgotten to button her shirt up all the way. The day he’d notice her smile, her expression so sultry and inviting. She just knew it.

The clock struck 6pm and Alexis could barely be contained. Every muscle in her trim and curvy body vibrated with anticipation. She prayed to God she wouldn’t start to sweat and ruin everything.

Suddenly, that familiar metallic clang of the door pierced the silent warehouse making Alexis’s heart pound like a drum. There he was. As usual, he swept through the heavy metal door like it was nothing and walked gracefully down the corridor not missing a beat on the shiny slippery floors. His walk was confident, with long strides as if he knew exactly what he was going after and not to let anything in his way.

Alexis’s lip was getting sore as she continued to bite it nervously as a mental self chiding to smother the burning embers she kept within.  Her long legs crossed and tensed as she pulled her heeled feet tightly under her chair. She puffed up and rested both arms on her desk, one hand fiddling with a pencil to keep from grabbing the man and having him right there on her desk.

The closer he got the more nervous she became and suddenly she felt a fool for ever thinking he’d have her. A man like that was to be looked after, and heavily guarded by a woman just as intense and magnificent a specimen as he was. Not left alone to wonder down caged halls unattended like this.

Alexis suddenly became very aware of herself as a new found dampness suddenly soiled her undergarments. Even more alarming was the idea that she was wearing a fairly snug skirt which may also soon feel the dampness of her need.

She became so tense and self conscious that she hugged her legs tighter together which then made her whole body tense from the pressure of her embarrassment.  She didn’t even realize that as he got closer, her arms squeezed together under her chest forcing her breasts to bulge over her irresponsibly buttoned blouse.

He finally came to the glass, but this time, he just stood there for a moment staring at her. Alexis tried to smile but now all she could think about was how awful she must look grinning at him like a fool with a fat lip. As much as she wanted him at that very moment, she feared she may burst into flames.

His gaze was questioning and suspicious. He seemed to have a permanent grin that never faded and lips that seemed to speak without saying a word. Even as his questioning eyes watched her, his lips spoke volumes. His warm sunned skin was nearly irresistible.

Alexis stared right back at him wondering what he was going to do. As she was certain before that she’d have her way with him this very moment, now she was suddenly trembling at the thought, as if she would never have a chance with him.

She cleared her throat. “ID please?” she asked with a crack in her voice.

He paused staring at her for a moment, drinking her in. Then he slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out his wallet. He slowly opened his wallet never taking his eyes off the nervous red head and after a good long minute, he turned it and let her see his ID.

Alexis grinned and buzzed the gates allowing him in. The Detective slowly stepped through the gates and stopped next to her keeping those dark eyes on her in a piercing fashion.  Alexis swallowed hard as he was now closer to her than he’d ever stood before. She could almost feel the blood pumping through his veins. She could even hear every breath he took.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Alexis finally squeaked the words out.

The dark Detective then slowly took a step toward her in a very dominant and yet subtle movement.  The way Alexis was perched in her seat called for her to turn towards him so her legs were no longer under the desk.

As if this were exactly what he expected to happen, he took another step closer placing his foot right between hers forcing her natural body response to spread her feet apart so as not to get her toes stepped on. Then he followed his step into her space forcing her head up to find his gaze.

The moment her eyes met his he took her by the hand and lifted her up pulling her into a deep, engaging, luxurious kiss that made her heart race and forced heat straight through her center like a burning hot poker of lust.

Her still shocked body was tense and pulled in tight as if she were well bound and needed to be cut free. The only release came when his strong forbidden arms wrapped tightly around her waist pushing her arms up out of the way as he was not about to let anything stand between their bodies. She pressed up against him wrapping her now loose and spaghetti like arms around his neck allowing her tongue deeper indulgence.

His strong hand suddenly seized her thigh bringing it up over his hip pulling her into him showing her what she’s been doing to him over the last four months. Her breath quickened with anticipation knowing she was about to receive him. For as long as she’s waited, she could stand no more.

Alexis gasped and whimpered as he pressed into her letting her feel his engorged stem before finally giving it to her. His kiss slipped down her neck with a hunger becoming more and more extreme. They’re bodies couldn’t get close enough, grasping and grabbing at each other like animals. They’re clothes were in the way.

The hot blooded Detective turned and carried Alexis propping her up on her desk to free his hand which quickly ripped her blouse free popping buttons onto the floor. Her breasts heaved with lust and prayed his mouth would find her.

His able hands groped her breasts then slid back behind her finding the clasp and releasing it suddenly freeing her firm breasts from their lace prison. He opened wide and took a breast fully into his mouth circling it with his tongue and suckling its tip stretching it outwards from her body before finally releasing it only to find its neglected partner and show it the same treatment.

Alexis’s raspy breath begged for more as her head fell back and her arms steadied her from behind on her desk top. Her bent over backward body awaited the rapture of his, taking her, gracing her, feeding her with ecstasy till her soul was full and the heavens would finally  take her.

One strong hand slid up under her skirt so skilled and adamant, he found her dampened panties and yanked them down letting them drop to her ankles becoming tangled in her high heels. He came back  to find her mouth again with his, kissing her deeply and passionately stealing her mouth while freeing himself from his belted trousers.

He spread her legs wide and moved in groaning in her mouth as he pulled her closer from around her waist and steadied himself for a full thrust….

“Excuse me….Excuse me? Are you okay?” a voice suddenly shocked Alexis back to her desk with pencil in hand. The Detective was standing awkwardly on the other side of the bullet proof glass still holding out his ID. “Are you going to let me in?” he asked staring at Alexis as if she might be ill.

“Oh…….yes. Sorry.” She replied nervously fumbling for the button.

The Detective gave her one last look over before walking on through and carrying on with his business.

“I can’t believe he spoke to me.” Alexis stuttered watching him disappear down the long dark isles in the warehouse.

6 comments:

  1. Firstly *applauds that ending* I just knew that's where it was heading! Good job!!

    Now for my critique. I warn you that I've become a very tough critiquer because my critiquer's have been hard on me & that's made me a better author & that's all I want for you! Cause I love ya twinsy!!

    Okay, this sentence bugged me. "Alexis had been working in the evidence warehouse at the South Central Police Department in Los Angeles for nearly 3 years." For some reason, I think it'd read better if it were written, "Alexis had been working in the evidence warehouse at the Los Angeles South Central Police Department for 3 years." But that's just me.

    "china blue eyes and pouty lips" There should be a comma between eyes & and because her lips aren't blue like her eyes.

    "heeled feet" It should be heel clad feet or something like that cause you're not talking about the bottom of her feet or saying she has stilettos coming out of her skin.

    Also, go back through where there are long sentences to see if a comma or semi colon isn't missing. They will make it read a lot smoother.I'm not saying they are, but it's always good to recheck. I do. Could be why I'm still revising though. LOL :)

    I loved the curve ball at the end. None of the things I mentioned are big. Just things that jumped out at me. Quick fixes that'll really make this short story sparkle brighter than it already does! Great job twinsy!! :)

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  2. Thanks so much Jamie!! Okay about the first thing you found. I called it the South Central Police Department in Los Angeles because thats actually what its called. I think it sounds better the way you wrote it too though. :)

    Totally right about the China blue thing...I laughed when I read that. LOL!

    Heeled feet: I knew it when I wrote it but for whatever reason, I wrote it anyway. LOL!!

    I'm no good at short stories so nice to hear you liked it! :)

    Thanks twinsie!!

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  3. Whoah! Ok, that was pretty hawt! I could see the ending but it was still fun while it lasted! :0) good job Kara!

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  4. Thanks Anthony! Was meant to provoke a certain 'feeling' without actually getting to the goal.

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  5. Kara,had me really goin' there,didn't see the endin' till it was almost there.Would like to read more.I do agree with Jamie about punctuation,it does matter.Like I said,would love to read more.You do have a knack with words!

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  6. Thank you Tina! I know, punctuation is one of my weak points. Too involved in the story to care about such petty things as punctuation...LOL! I really should brush up on it. :) Thank you!!

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